10th November
Sunday 10th November was my 2nd Ampuversary, apart from a small post I put on Facebook it slipped by mainly unnoticed. It wasn’t quite how I’d expected and envisioned it to be and there was very little, in fact nothing to celebrate. I’d expected to be running off a list of achievements and things I’ve done over the two years and what a great place I was at, with many more goals and challenges to conquer next. The reality is I still cant even walk and I’m in a worse place now than before the amputation.
As bad as it is right now I still to this day don’t regret the decision I made to have the leg removed. I know my luck is bad but not even I could have envisage living my second worst nightmare of having to deal with a major infection and multiple surgery on my right knee. Hinchingbrooke Hospital made it worse by making me feel like it was down to me and something I’d done or inflicted. The Nuffield Orthopaedic Centre made it slightly better by explaining why I may be getting the infections and why they are always in my knee, but it still doesn’t make it better or easier to deal with.
I know there have been some small achievements made but the majority of the goals I set myself have not been reached, or the things like walking are all on hold, again. It’s just unfortunate the way things have turned out. Would I have been able to deal with the situation I’m in now better if I’d have had both legs? Of course I would physically but mentally I would feel the same as I do with only the one leg.
Being an amputee has never been a real issue or the majority of the challenges that come with it. It’s the things like an extremely unhelpful Community Occupational Therapist, struggling to get the equipment and benefits you are entitled to, having to have revision surgery on the stump and now the infection and amount of surgery I’ve had on my right knee are the things I’ve struggle with the most. I suppose being on so much medication, having the type and quantities being constantly changed, as well as the effects from the infection on my body itself just impact further on how I feel.
From being a person who has worked as much of my life as physically possible, had a high level of involvement with the Army Cadet Force, doing other sports and hobbies and feeling reasonably good (considering the medication I was on at times) to where I am now is a drastic change. The frustrating thing is that even as an amputee I could get get back to that point with some changes. Losing my leg hasn’t stopped me from rebuilding my life again it’s all the crap that came after that that’s held me back. Let’s hope the professionals at the Nuffield Orthopaedic Centre can sort out this infection and give me a decent knee so my 3rd Ampuversary will be something to celebrate.
